Carol looked Andrea in the eye, put her arms around her and told her what to do.

“You need to sleep with him. Give him the greatest night of his life. Get him to drop his guard, and then when he’s sleeping, you can end this.”

I wonder how many times Carol thought those words to herself in her previous life. Maybe in the middle of the night, scrolling the internet to learn how to pop her own dislocated shoulder back into place and planning her escape.

Carol is no stranger to fighting for her life. She lived her old life afraid of every turn, one misstep, one wrong word and it could all be over. It many ways, she was more prepared than most when the world went to hell.

Carol’s trajectory from shrinking violet and grieving mother to complete and utter bad-ass is as remarkable as it is unsurprising. Carol already lived a life in fear, she simply needed to turn the switch.

Season four shows us a hardened version of Carol, while Rick, Herschel, Maggie, Glenn and Beth embrace the prison as home and start to take comfort in it’s fences- Carol cannot put her guard down. Carol has never put her guard down, in this life and in the last- being vulnerable was never an option. Carol was a survivor long before the first walker took a bite out of this new world.

Rick did not want to understand why Carol killed Karen and David, but he did. He said it to her when he point blank asked her. “You do a lot for us. You would do anything to protect us.” Rick knew it was Carol because of that, which means some part of Rick understood. The running theme of season four, and the show as a whole, is who do you become when the world ends. For Carol, it was simple- she survived.  Stripped away of her family almost immediately, her instincts hardened right away. And with no one to be an example for, she has only one job- to keep living. Rick would be the same if Herschel didn’t convince him otherwise.

Carol killed Karen and David to try and stop the outbreak. She had to do something to protect herself and her people. If there was the slightest chance that killing the infected would stop the outbreak, Carol was going to take it. She is never again going to miss an opportunity to protect herself and her people- no matter the cost.

We see it again in her efforts to teach the children to be strong, and to use weapons. Carol cannot give in to the perception of protection. She knows they are never safe, from outside threats or threats from within.

The efforts she made to teach Lizzie and Mika about the dangers of walkers, how to use weapons, when to run and when to fight are absolutely contributing factors to the tragedy that befalls the sisters. Herschel told Rick that Carl needs an example other than how to shoot a gun.

Protecting your family at all costs means more than the characters realize in this new world. Rick may have protected Carl from death, but what is he raising him to be. There is more to raising a child than simply keeping them alive.  We get a glimpse of the future Herschel fears for Carl in Lizzie.

Season four saw Rick going all in one way, and Carol going the other. Rick embraces his new life as a farmer, trying to be a good man to raise his son and set an example for a life beyond survival. Unfortunately, as Carol knows all too well, in this new world survival is the first and only option. They need to figure out how to tow the line between survival and losing themselves in the process.  Carol tells Rick, You can be a farmer, but you can’t be only a farmer.

 

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(This started as a season 4 recap and turned into an essay about Carol.)